I am a beautiful mess

Where to start...

Since December 2008, my life has changed and things that I thought would work out did not. Relationships have ended, but new ones have started. Immaturity has somewhat vanished and maturity has begun to take over. Friendships were made and some were broken or some have moved on. Hearts were broken, but they have been restored.

When I sit here at the age of 21, I claim that I have enough life experience to tell you all how to look at your life and examine it or try and tell you this is the correct way to live. Honestly, I have no idea how to tell you anything. I'm 21 and my life experience is nothing. Sure, I have been around a lot of things lately that could qualify as having life experience. Heck, things that have happened in the last year have given me more life experience than I could have ever imagined. Some of it was good, but also some it was very bad. Some of it I wish I could take back. All the choices I have made since my last entry though have made me who I am right now.

Like I said relationships were broken, trust was broken, hearts were broken, friendships were/are broken, but good has come out of every single one of those. These different things have challenged me to look at my own heart and my own self to see if there was anything to learn. Sure when it comes to trust, I have A LOT of work to do. I do not trust easy, especially when it comes to guys. Many people know that and it is a difficult task to believe anything they say without thinking there is an alternate meaning. Nevertheless, I see how damaging this can be to any relationship I want to be in or any friendships for that matter.

Hearts definitely took a toll over these past years. I have a problem with giving my heart over to people who do not deserve it. They do not deserve to see my heart or to even have a part of it. My heart was restored a little bit though in February 2010. That relationship I had ended bad, but we made it have a good outcome. Friendship is better than war. My heart took a beating not to long after that, but prayer and strength played out in the end. My heart still suffers, but not nearly as much as it did. It is getting better day by day and God continues to work on it, showing me over and over again to not give my heart out to losers who do not deserve to see it or know it.

I know this seems like a lot of negative, but all of this is to say that I have grown. I have grown into the person that I needed to be. There were a lot of things wrong, a lot of things I did not want to have to face, a lot of things that remained hidden, but not anymore. Here is where I will place my thoughts of my journey through life.

Things will get better because life is too beautiful to sit out and miss it.