This is Where Changing Begins

I have not written in this blog for quite sometime and now I think a long, overdue entry is very needed.

Starting off this new year is very exciting. There are so many things that I'm looking forward to and what I'm looking forward to the most is learning how to love and be like Jesus. I struggled a lot last semester with finding my place. I wanted to be with my friends, but I knew what was going on was not something I stood for. In fact, I tried to stay away from most of that stuff. I had to fall, on my own, and then figure out a way to stand back up. When Christmas break came, it was the biggest relief ever. I just wanted to be out of Joplin so bad. This place is not my home.

Looking past all that stuff, I choose to look at my future and what it holds. I have dropped a good majority of my friends, or at least I do not hang out with as often, and my life seems a lot better and I'm a lot happier. God put people into my life last semester that came at the most crucial times and those people have no idea how much their friendship means to me. They helped me to stand up for what I thought to be right. They helped me begin to understand who I was. They let me be myself without trying to prove anything.

This semester is going to be a growing semester, I have decided. I want and need to be closer to God and that is not going to happen if I keep wanting to go back to my old friends. I love them and will pray for them everyday, but I cannot keep doing this to myself. I need a change and I need to change. I need to rely on God. I need to make decisions with God. I need Him to lead my life and not for me to lead my own. Whenever we choose to want to lead our own lives, that is when things begin to get messy.

I want to change for good. I want to grow more into the woman God made me to be and if that means a few bumps and bruises along the way, then so be it. You always have to experience pain to become refined. This is where change will being.