Chapter One
Have
you ever wonder what the definition of grief is?
Grief: “Keen mental suffering or
distress over affliction
of loss; sharp sorrow; painful
regret.”
That
is the definition of grief and it seems easy enough right? When it comes down
to it, the definition makes the word seem awfully simple and maybe that is one
of the reasons why people expect grief to be so easy. Another possible reason
people expect grief to be easy is due to the infamous “5 Stages of Grief” model.
You know the stages right? Stage One, Denial. Stage Two, Anger. Stage Three,
Bargaining. Stage Four, Depression. Stage Five, Acceptance. It is assumed that once
you hit acceptance (Stage Five) you are “cured” in a sense. So, what exactly does acceptance mean if it is
the cure, the end all be all:
Acceptance: “The act of
taking or receiving something
offered.
Favorable reception; approval; favor.”
Are you kidding me? Explain to me
how someone’s passing can be looked as favorable or even taking grief as some
sort of offering. That does not make sense on any level. Is this what people
are expecting of someone when they move through the final stage of grief, just
pure favorable reception? Unfortunately, that is the attitude that some people
have towards grief and acceptance. Society tells us that it is something that
we need to get over and move on from; being in grief in something that is
considered a weakness over time. Society tells us that they are in a better
place and they are no longer hurting. You know what I have to say to that? You
have no idea what you are talking about (and that is just the nice version by
the way).
Grant it, society does the best
that they can for a situation that no one can really understand. My grief journey
is completely different than my friends’ grief journey and vice versa. Not one
grief journey is going to be same and nor should it be. In this book, I’m not
offering a solution and I am definitely not telling you how to live your grief
journey. That is not my job so please do not misunderstand. I am writing this
book to help anyone who has been there, to anyone who feels like they cannot be
genuine with their journey. I am writing this, because let’s be honest grief is
nasty, awful, you feel hopeless, frustrated because you are not where you feel
like you should be in the midst of your grief and you feel like you are the
only one surviving in your own little world. Trust me when I say, keep you
going; you are doing the best with the situation that you have been given. I am
writing this to share my own journey with you to let you know I have been there;
to be real with you because I have done unhealthy things to “get over” my grief.
I am writing this to help you know and understand that you are not alone.
November 1st, 2012.
That is they day my true journey begins.
